Cocoiv

So often I hear couples say "I'm staying for the kids", but is that always the best thing to do "for the kids"? Before I answer that question with my opinion, allow me to go back a little.

I miscarried. It sounds so poetic coming off my lips because it was finite. Right? It had given me something to chose as concrete and then make a plan again. It was something tangible that my mind, body and soul could wrap around but it still cut like the whips with fine tooth nails that ripped the skin of my ancestors. It was the paradise that Israelites was promised but never given.

Because folks always assume that I am biracial, or some other colorful blend, I find myself often saying, “Nope, I’m just black.” Then a sting of disappointment hits my stomach and I feel guilty. What do I mean just black? Am I minimizing what it means to be black? Is black not good enough?

I  literally thought because of my birth rite as a black women I  would never face the fear of this desire to conceive not become a reality...

l'll state the obvious - motherhood is life changing. So much so, that it is easy (like really easy) to let it consume you. All of you. It can be a really great thing. Can I be real though? I'm hoping this is a safe place to say... it can be a really heavy thing.